You Deserve Rest (And So Do I)
So I took a break.
And I ain’t tell nobody. It wasn’t a secret, yet was not planned. My break was required. A necessity. My husband ruptured his Achilles tendon in October and limped around for two months due to a misdiagnosis (he had successfully diagnosed himself and finally got a second opinion). He had surgery in December. My Godfather and personal hero, has vascular dementia. So that means I was apart of TWO care teams, in addition to running a business, parenting a gifted seven year old, taking care of a dog, a car and a house.
And oh yeah, taking care of myself.
In November 2022 I took a social media sabbatical because down here in Texas, mid-term (and all other) elections get mean, dirty and fear-mongery. Witnessing that manipulation and those lies ignites my anger; it quivers in my bones and becomes panic. So I decided to save myself the energy and just remove it from my sensory environment by logging off.
Then I felt lighter, happier and more content with my life due to the peace and quiet that replaced endless scrolling. So I was like, you know what? Sensory sabbatical extended, and I added streaming television content to the list.
I had to triage my commitments, meaning, assess what was most urgent and focus on that. After looking at my miles-long to-do list, I only completed the things that impacted my immediate well-being and that of my household. I created the first of what I’d intended to be a series of newsletters about rest and fatigue and how each of the personality types on the Enneagram experience a unique type of exhaustion and require a specific form of rest. By December, I burnt out myself.
I looked for everything I could pause. Less television. Removed the apps from my phone. Occasionally checking social media from the computer (sometimes there’s opportunities in my DMs, y’all) and logging off. Increased visits from my favorite professional cleaning service. Paused my training for my 10k, my home decor plans. Went for long, curious walks with the dog. Bought new pajamas and swan-dove in that bed by 9 pm.
As it turned out, I needed a layered, interdisciplinary approach to rest. My body was tired. My mind was fried. From an emotional and sensory perspective, I was zapped. I was touched out and started to resent light touches, taps and tickles.
Then I did what I wanted to: Participated as an artist in Project Row Houses’ Round 55: The Drive By with my exhibition, called “Words As Social Sculpture.” It was exciting, healing and freeing. felt myself coming back, as though I’d been revived by CPR while drowning.
I finally feel refreshed. Writing excites me again. I started working with a personal trainer and my energy is lifting with every session. Dr. Sandra Daulton-Smith has done some fantastic research around different types of fatigue and the type of care that can be helpful. I teach, train and coach integrating the Enneagram of Personality Types, an ancient and accurate way of understanding core motivations in an organized personality system. I’ve harmonized some of Dr. Daulton’s research and added my own two cents. I want to share with you all the ways that I rested, engaging the specific fatigue-needs of every Enneagram Type.
In my December Newsletter I started talking about how necessary rest is, and got into a few different Personality Types and their need for rest. Down below is a complete list of all the types and how they may find a fit for the special type of care they need for their specific area(s) of exhaustion. Go down the list and email me what calls to you.
Type 1: These moral, ethical, and good-doing types are exhausted by working so hard to be a good person. These types are worn out by the mental and physical load of always weighing their impulses against “the right thing” to do. They need what I call "Moral Rest." Moral rest is the ability to kick back and do whatever (the hell) you want to do, with no judgment assigned to it. You want to take a bath at 10 am on a workday? Put a "meeting" on your calendar and go try on jeans? Do it. These folks need a break from calculating good vs bad deeds and using those calculations to determine their worthiness. You will see the harmony of their creativity and beauty-awareness and their joyful spontaneity come forward as the dutiful type 1 takes time off. You are worthy of the serenity that comes from doing what you want.
Type 2: These empathic, generous and helpful types have super-sensitive tuning forks and can deeply sense what others are feeling and wanting, and launch into helpful strategy. This leads to an exhausting type of "merging" where these folks feel others' pain as intensely as their own. They want others to feel happy, and love them, and they work hard at it. These folks need some Emotional Rest. Emotional Rest happens when you spend time in solitude and don't have to manage the experiences (or opinions) of others. You can also get emotional rest by spending time with folks who validate how you feel and support you, and don't cause more emotional stress. They will see the passion of the type 8 come forward to meet their own desires and the other-worldly wisdom of their type 5 come forward as they love themselves like they love others. Try this and see how free you feel!
Type 3: Oh my high-achievers. These folks have toiled all year like their lives depended on it. They work so hard at giving folks hope, demonstrating possibility, and moving the needle forward. The idea of stillness perplexes them-what does that produce? These folks need to feel productive even as they rest. Active Rest-hiking, low-impact cardio, and learning a new skill- is helpful for them. Active rest doesn't require as much energy or cause as much stress. Trying something new or doing something special provides distance from the daily grind. They will gain the benefits of their peace-loving type 9 and their loyal, communal type 6 coming forward. Not having to prove their worthiness gives way to a deeper level of authenticity and truthfulness that helps these types enjoy themselves as they are.
Type 4: Intuitive, sensitive, and intensely emotional; these types are aware of the human condition. That awareness and the knowing they possess create a specific type of fatigue. These creators are not just putting out ideas for the sake of art itself; they are birthing social commentary about the pain that they feel so deeply. The type of rest that is helpful for these types is Creative Rest. Being surrounded by the beauty of nature, experiencing and being enraptured by aesthetically-pleasing forms and scapes soothes and rejuvenates these types, restoring their creative energy. The quality of this rest calls forward equanimity - the ability to welcome the full range of human emotion without being overwhelmed.
Type 5: Curiosity and knowledge, neatly organized into their mind palace, drives our observers. These types are connected to a seemingly endless stream of information, and overload is possible. As they continue to pack in one fact, detail, and reason or another, an Intellectual Fatigue sets in. In their quest for knowledge, the space, time, energy and knowledge it requires can separate them from both their social nature and the needs of their bodies. Overloaded with information, this type would do well to come out of their withdrawn spaces and into the world. They benefit from Intellectual Rest-giving their minds a break from all the figuring out and getting into their bodies through movement, and into relationships through connection. This new dynamic gives their minds a break and their souls an opportunity to live into the wisdom they possess, rather than intellectualize their knowledge.
Type 6
Type Sixes are constantly researching, checking and then double-checking to make sure all the bases are covered. This hypervigilant, constant quest for information and the panic of not having enough proof or evidence that they are supported can create quite a mental fatigue that shows up as a hyperactive nervous system. This can mean allergies, anxiety, and other ways the body communicates a sense of overstimulation, lack of grounding, and a need for balance. Mental Rest can be really good for these types to move from anxious fearful paranoia to their true essence of strength, faith and courage. Create a plan for your rest (pre-ordering groceries, meals, and whatever other bases need to be covered in your absence), set up the system for your rest, and then trust your own system. All will be well while you reclaim your own authority and enjoy the silence, sleep, or binge your favorite show-no matter how many times you have seen it.
Type 7 Type Sevens have a high energy based on being stimulated through all of their senses through new ideas, new experiences and sensations. These types are usually over-scheduled due to their passion of planning. They can get so over-stimulated that they end up experiencing the consequences of taking in too much, and end up being trapped in the pain that they so want to avoid. Give your minds a break with Sensory Rest by literally unplugging from all your sources of pleasure for a set amount of time. Take a break from all the ways you are plugged in, create space on your calendar for silence, and even create a space that is free of visual clutter. Release yourself from digital clutter: use that “Do Not Disturb” feature, turn off notifications, buzzing, chiming, ringing and opt for the simple sounds of nature, silence or white noise to give your nervous system a break and watch as you return to your true essence of sobriety, wisdom and holy plan.
Type 8 Type Eights experience lots of physical tension from their intense, strong physical presence. Constantly charged up, their actual muscles hold lots of energy and they can unwittingly project that intensity onto others when they aren’t conscious of it. Their invitation is to experience passive physical rest. That means sleeping deeply and for a longer period of time than usual, napping, cuddling, and giving their physical bodies a break from the toughness they feel is essential for navigating the world. This will bring them in touch with their essence of innocence and truth. They gain perspective on how they’ve been allocating their strength, and that tender, warm, loving nature will emerge forward, connecting them with others and giving their bodies a break from overwhelming tension.
Type 9
Type Nines are holding it together for the sake of harmony, homeostasis and peace. They experience a unique type of exhaustion that is Spiritual Fatigue-being wiped out by their pouring themselves out for others’ benefit as a sense of duty to one’s purpose. Nines believe they are nobody special and disconnect themselves from their inherent value and, as a result, defer their own needs to the preferences of the group. Their invitation is to reconnect to their deep desires and gain perspective on what they find to be meaningful, delightful and fulfilling and develop a vocabulary around what they want to do-and do it! Spiritual Rest takes them from passively zoning out and becoming fearful and paranoid to energized, aware and present to what lights them up, gives them joy and reconnects them to their spiritual depths of loving action.
What’s coming up for you as you read this? Shoot me a note to danielle@confusiontoclarity.life with your feedback!
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